It will start today and end at October 25th, 2017.
I originally toyed with the idea of writing it as a satire primarily towards the Neo-Nazi movement and Neo-Nazi ideology. That’s mainly what it is suppose to be as it’s clearly not indicative of how the vast majority of Christians in the US behave or believe in. It’s primarily meant as an insult to race-based grouping and racial supremacist ideology.
Some people seem to believe racial supremacists are actually proud of their racial lineage and that’s what inspires their racial supremacist views. However, that is a severe mistake and a naive outlook to me. At their core, Neo-Nazis, the KKK, and other racial supremacist groups are merely jealous of the people they marginalize. They secretly hold hate for themselves and lash out at scapegoats by vilifying Jews, Blacks, Mexicans, Muslims, Sikhs, Feminists, Transpeople, and homosexuals as the problem for why they’re such complete failures at life. It’s not their irrational beliefs, it’s not their bigoted views, and it’s not their antipathy towards changing realities.
Evidently, people who value social justice, equality, and human rights are to blame for their total and willful failure to change and improve their lives. We’re to blame for their sorry state of pathetic. They wish to believe they’re poor because of bizarre conspiracies about Jews, because they like vilifying Black Americans as violent animals, because Muslims are all terrorists to their minds and they can’t distinguish between a Muslim and a Sikh, because so-called feminazis are whining too much, and because transpeople and homosexuals don’t belong in what they believe to be the natural order of their limited, narrow world of hate.
I had thought writing this satire would simply be creating more controversy. . . but to be honest, I don’t feel that excuse holds much weight anymore. The Left shouldn’t follow the lead of antifa, which allows their emotional hate to cloud their rationality and become just as violent as the neo-nazis. We should “fight back” as “SJW Cucks” with the same satirical disavowal that they’ve given us. Because, quite frankly, racial supremacist hate groups deserve nothing else. I can’t speak for others, but I knew better at age frickin’ eleven that racism was wrong and unjustifiable because it’s judging people based on a factor that they have no control over and were born with. Lumping together people of different ethnicities to cast a wide net as collective punishment is asinine.
What finally inspired me to write and publish it was my anger towards a former friend who began to empathize and later joined the neo-nazi movement. Evidently, neo-nazis have been recruiting on discord video game servers, and he fell in with them. I have never been so disgusted and disappointed in my life with someone. It worsened even further since many people of the video game community I had been a part of had displayed total apathy towards people holding legitimate neo-nazi views, calling racial minorities inbreds, and making Nazi insults towards Jews. The argument was that my beliefs in social justice were “old” and “boring” and “needed to be thrown away” with mockery at even arguing for equality of races.
I had the idea for the ebook as a humorous take on racist beliefs before, based on a prank video of a Ku Klux Klan community manager explaining they refused the application from a black applicant (who was really an anon troll using voice overs from several movies) because – and this is true – they honestly believe that Black people are part of the cursed sons of Ham in the Bible.
So, with that inspiration, I wrote an ebook where various White Supremacist groups and Evangelicals form a utopian society in the US and close themselves off from the world for the sake of blood purity and their faith in Jesus Christ. It honestly is meant to be satire to poke fun at White supremacist groups and to poke fun at their version of Christianity. I plan to write another ebook where I criticize Christianity and Islam via fictional explorations of their faith sometime in the future.
What finally pushed me forward though was the encouragement of two of my closest friends to mock the Neo-Nazi movement because they were feeling utterly tired of it too and thought it’d be humorous. I can empathize with those who hate having themselves and fellow White Americans generalized and lumped with what is clearly stupidity beyond reproach. The majority of White America, very clearly, does not and would not support tolerating Nazism.
Final thoughts on this contemporary issue of Neo-Nazi/KKK hate groups:
Don’t let the Alt-Right and Redpill hate groups deceive you. Nazism is a belief and a choice that you, I, and everyone else can criticize and repudiate. Free speech means they can hold those views, but they’re sadly under the delusion that their beliefs shouldn’t have any consequences — even as they advocate the genocide of Jews in their crowd chants; violently murder Sikhs, transpeople, Muslims; and vilify Black America and feminists with stereotypes.
Never forget: Neo-Nazis, the KKK, and other racial supremacist groups cling to “racial pride” and advocate death towards others because they’re jealous of them.
As proof? Racial supremacist claim to have ownership over the achievements of other people in history based on the tenuous connection that they were born with the same skin pigmentation as those who achieved great things. The root of that belief is jealousy towards others, because they have no achievements of their own to celebrate. That’s precisely why they find tenuous connections to claim superiority over marginalized groups.
Long story short: They’re pathetic. They’re hatred is unjustified and I don’t find it compelling that we need to appeal to their humanness when it means putting the lives of marginalized groups in danger. Sorry, but no. Their hurt feelings don’t justify advocating for massacring others.
I’m letting my dissent be known through mockery and satire. They’re not worthy of respect.
I know I’ve said some vicious, arguably hateful things about religion, but I want to make it clear that this ebook is about mocking neo-Nazis and bad beliefs in general.
Be that as it may, I obviously would never advocate, wish for, or desire the deaths of people of another religion or racial group, ever. When I criticize theology, I will admit that I despise those theologies for what I perceive to be justifications for human rights violations, but I’d never advocate for the deaths of innocent people or their marginalization. I can’t promise that I won’t make vicious criticisms of religious violence or religious theology itself, but I’d obviously never advocate for mass murder or that people shouldn’t have a right to their religious beliefs. I do think that I have a right to criticize, even harshly criticize, when I see human rights abuses justified by theology, especially in the real world context. But I would never advocate mass death and I’m sure that neither would the majority of the US. The statistics of that are on our side.
If you, like me, wish to mock the Neo-Nazi movement, then please consider reading my ebook.
So, I’ve had quite the challenging couple of months.
I managed to get a new, well-paying job, then upon finishing job training and exiting out of work after the first week, I was struck by an oncoming, speeding vehicle. The crash could have killed me since he hit the driver side door and my car careened all the way into a parking lot where it crashed into a parked car. Since then, I’ve been undergoing physical therapy and had to deal with severe pain in my neck, back, knee, and my left elbow.
I felt like I could recover, then my insurance company basically told me that the accident was my fault since there was no proof the driver was speeding (cases like this need outside witness testimony and nobody was there to witness the other driver crash into me). The police didn’t even do their paperwork right. Despite giving my name, telling them the car was in my father’s name, and giving them my license, they never bothered to listen to my side of the story. I’ve spent the past few months having at least four crying fits, in which I locked my door and shut myself up in my room just crying and been dealing with chronic pain and flashes of pain up until a few weeks ago. I will now be living with neck pain and potentially need to go surgery in the future depending on if it gets worse according to my doctor since they still don’t know yet.
My emotions have basically ranged from dejection, numbness, self-deprecation, and anger over the situation. What I say didn’t matter, my side of the story meant nothing, and the possibility of me almost dying meant nothing to either insurance company, the police, and the laws of society. I don’t even know what else to say, blogging about it feels just as worthless and meaningless. Nobody cares, that’s life. That’s been my life since grade school. That’s the only consistent answer society ever gives. Apathy and complicity to human suffering. A part of me wonders if I should feel ashamed about this, another part of me realizes someone somewhere is going to take this out of context and mock me for it.
Before the accident, I had thought I was weak-willed and would hypocritically think of a higher power if put in a position where my life was on the line. When I was struck by the oncoming car, I only thought of three immediate things: Regretting not being able to finish the other route in a game I was playing, not being able to write a fanfic I had been toying with the idea of, and how I viewed myself as a member of the atheistic branch of Hinduism and believed in certain parts of the Ubermensch philosophy espoused by Nietzsche. After that, I basically thought about how I wouldn’t be able to finish the book criticizing religion, if I died then. Although, a part of me is tired of trying to improve my life and only seeing failures and punishment. I’ve just been passing the time by playing the route of the video game I had yet to totally finish and decided on another playthrough despite there only being two meaningful endings in that game.
I’m not sure how bizarre that sounds . . . at this point, I really feel uncertain about everything and I’m not sure if I’m running away or just trying to figure things out. I don’t know how to feel and I don’t know how to move forward yet.
Sometimes, it’s a struggle to fight apathy. Particularly when confronting bleak aspects of the world.
I am in the perfect position to be working on subjects of great import to me, but I find myself struggling with apathy again. I had hoped that I would no longer suffer this stupid problem but here I am, facing it again, and with no rational sense of why. Sometimes, I really don’t understand myself. I despise this self-defeating procrastination.
Perhaps it is atelophobia, that is, the fear of lacking perfection. I definitely had this problem and never properly recognized it until very recently. Maybe it’s the lack of ever following deadlines, maybe it’s this terrible nihilistic concept of how – within the grand scheme of cosmic life – it just doesn’t matter what I do, and maybe it’s the fact I always hate myself for being lazy. I had assumed punishing oneself for laziness was a positive reinforcement, yet according to Kelly McGonigal’s book “The Willpower Instinct”, this is not so. In fact, it’s utterly detrimental and it’s actually better to forgive oneself.
Unlike what most people boast, I have read through a good amount of positive psychology books on getting work done, but I always seem to fail to follow through. I’m always lacking in the step that requires self-monitoring and then the apathy sets in. Oftentimes, I just don’t feel enough to care. The apathy first began with a moral quandary, then acknowledgement over a reality that I didn’t quite like, and then wondering whether life had any significance in the grand scheme of the universe’s life cycle and the heat death of the universe.
I had been struggling with depression throughout my grade school life from fifth grade onto my early college years. The best way to describe the feeling was a detached sense of reality and lack of seeing value in what I felt were trivial and boring aspects of life. Classes, in particular, were of no value to me until I began college and could choose what I wanted. Choice, therefore, was empowering and I hadn’t been able to handle that freedom at first since it felt like every aspect of my life was decided for me. Particularly because my parents kept hounding me about how I could end-up going to juvenile prison if I didn’t strictly listen to them. A ridiculous argument born out of fear and paranoia from the national news and my father’s job, I had never once committed a crime or even attempted anything of the sort. I was always an attentive student and the only real problems were lack of self-respect and inability to deal with failure. My parents are great for financial support, but they’re damn stupid with dealing with anything related to either difficulty or empathizing with people outside of their own paranoid worldview. Admittedly, I probably have aspects of their personality, or perhaps the whole personality, and just don’t recognize it. But, to be perfectly frank, I really despise this part of my life and these tendencies of both my parents. The high school wasn’t all that different either. The high school was either extremely strict or extremely lax in administering regulations and there was never a sensible middle ground. Fights would break out practically every week during my Junior year in high school, the graduation ended in a massive fight with eight police cars coming in to stop the mass violence (at least, by my count before I left), and I was never able to express myself without scorn or derision or paranoia by the faculty when trying to convince them that I wasn’t going to harm people in the school.
I had written an essay related to a scholarship I had hoped to win. Participating in the essay ended-up being one of the worst decisions of my life. After 3 months with no answer, I suddenly got a response 3 days after the Virginia Tech massacre. It came as a shock to the faculty during an emergency conference about an essay that I wrote in which they learned that someone of my skin pigmentation wasn’t a Muslim. This only helped bolster the racism of my classmates who were quick to perceive me as crazy as the essay I had written for a scholarship somehow became public knowledge within the school the very next day after the emergency meeting. As for the reason this fiasco began regarding the material in the essay? I said I was justified in hating members of the faculty for being incompetent. Now, during my high school years, I had been taught and led to believe that rules were the cornerstone of decision-making in a very advanced social process. However, these schisms and general stupidity in rule implementation throughout high school made me believe, at the time, that people in power were the only determinants of the rule-making. And for a so-called democracy, the school system of the US school I went to felt fairly authoritarian in both its theoretical reasoning and practice. Amazingly enough, in college, it was basically confirmed by a few professors that college is for those who are meant to think in a society while grade school is only meant to teach the history of a country and nothing else.
This was one of the influences for a moral quandary that I had realized. I’ve since realized the problem as a result of operant behavior within animals in general and thus a flaw, if one can even call it that, within humans. We humans have a tendency to ignore and to not perceive the tragedies within foreign countries as real. This has been somewhat lessened in influence as a result of social media, but the problem persists because, for the most part, people just pay attention to the general town that they live in and nothing else. They hold psychological biases for their in-group, in this case their country, and don’t perceive the lives of people in foreign countries as having equal value to those among their own populace. The in-group/out-group issue can serve dehumanization campaigns even of people that we do meet day-to-day, such as the current stigma against Muslims and people of Hispanic descent within the US. As I studied more political psychology, I learned the reasons why this was and I realized I couldn’t put my expectations on the general populace to simply “know better” or be knowledgeable as I am in consideration of these pertinent moral and ethical questions. That may sound patronizing but I say that simply because they honestly have no interest in such questions. Admittedly, my reasoning could be little more than pop philosophy but I try to include my readings of psychology in my examination of this geographic fact of life regarding human apathy for those who live outside one’s borders.
The most pertinent reason for my apathy, especially for all of 2013 where I could hardly bring myself to do much of anything, was the issue of drone strikes. I had happened to come upon a video of bombings thanks to Youtube’s recommendations list as a result of watching Chomsky and Chris Hedges videos. I had clicked it not fully knowing what it was and saw a collection of real life bombings caught on camera. For the following months, I woke-up with horrible migraines, chest pain, sometimes I felt like it was hard to breathe, and I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. I had been misled into believing that those bombings were drone strike videos but that wasn’t the case. It was just videos of . . . typical bombings in different parts of the Middle East. The first time seeing them brought on a sense of overwhelming anger, hate, loathing, and revulsion. The chief emotion that kept wracking me was guilt. I realized whenever someone pays taxes, they pay into that horrific act of destruction and mass death of civilians. I tried discussing this on various forums, not knowing how else to handle it and not wanting to burden my family with it, and I mostly got shut out of various forums. In retrospect, I should have realized that would be the case. However, discussion without any videos on forums which I had never linked such content was also shut out as “trolling” because the lives of people overseas just didn’t matter to the typical US citizen. A harsh truth, but one I continued to observe whenever trying to form a serious discussion over such issues. Whenever serious discussion was met, people would either jeer at me for having compassion for people overseas or they would say that it had nothing to do with them; this is despite the fact that we recognize we’re living in an elected government by the people. The fact is that the overwhelming majority of people don’t care about foreign policy or just what the US actually does overseas to other countries. It doesn’t register into their radar or even their worldview. I didn’t fully comprehend just why until reading “Thinking Fast and Slow” by Daniel Kahneman. However, it should’ve been clear to me when thinking back on my high school years, although even then I would often think about the human power structures of the world itself.
Fortunately, I was slowly able to move on from this crippling depression and guilt, by recognizing that the decision obviously wasn’t mine, that if I could change it then I would, and that recognizing I wasn’t to blame wasn’t an attempt to say to myself that I didn’t care about the impacts of what drone strikes did when they burned alive innocent men, women, and children who had nothing to do with terrorism. Even to this day, it amazes me how we US citizens can argue that Islam is the problem, meanwhile we pay taxes for a drone program that is now bombing and flaying alive innocent people in seven different countries; a fact that we conveniently ignore while touting ourselves as morally superior and ignore how our complacency with such a program continues to create massive terrorist insurgencies throughout the Middle East. Moreover, what are people who see news of their own country and neighboring countries with wreckages from drone bombings suppose to think of us? They would constantly be bombarded with images of people with the same ethnic background as themselves and the same faith as themselves suffering from horrific injuries or seeing the general destruction of such bombings; what are they suppose to think of us? This has had real world consequences, like the revolution in Yemen to oust their country’s leaders.
The last, and probably most normal, of issues related to procrastination and depression, was wondering what significance my life has when I consider the heat death of the universe. Nietzsche’s concept of eternal recurrence helps sometimes but not always. I eventually pulled through and pushed past this one by recognizing the reality that, even if heat death is certain, this is still my life and I should try to maximize my life satisfaction because it is still my experiences. It isn’t wrong to live for personal self-fulfillment but I always struggle with the first step of just pushing forward, it’s always been a struggle for me to do work when I don’t feel like it. I’m not sure how to adequately handle that aspect of beginning a project. I can’t “push through”, I can’t “trick myself”, and I can’t “just do it” as none of those work. The latter, in particular, is shown not to work in psychological studies. I try breaking it up into steps but then procrastinate by reading or watching TV. I think the issue is Atelophobia. I’ll try to remind myself of the Growth mindset as I seem to forget at the most important of moments, but I’m just not sure anymore . . .
If anyone has any advice, feel free to give me tips on this issue.
So, this month, I finished up a class I had previously failed in and got a letter grade of B this time; I volunteered all of my time at a field office closest to me for the Bernie Sanders campaign for the New York primary, and my relatives sold off an ancestral homeland that was supposed to be my inheritance from the family. They sold it for basically the equivalent of pennies when the full value was far above it. So, I can no longer pursue my parents dream of building a hospital to help people suffering in third world country poverty.
I’m not even age 30 yet and one dream seems far out of my grasp than before. My parents have feelings of finality towards it. I’ve mostly been dealing with my parents inability to handle stress on any significant or healthy level up until today when my mother finally calmed down.
Meeting people and helping the field organizer manage volunteers was a fairly eye-opening experience. I didn’t realize how effective the psychology books made me in managing people but I vastly underestimated myself. I’m no expert, by any means, but I am capable of managing volunteers, even difficult ones, by instructing them on what to do for phonebanking, explaining the reasons why we don’t make multiple facebook pages to sway young voters as this one difficult volunteer insisted upon, and asking if they have any questions to make sure I’ve fully explained everything and effectively got them to start their duties. It was an amazing experience. I met a lot of very kind and intelligent people but I suppose that’s par for the course among volunteers. A selection bias of only quality people emerges from volunteer work, it seems.
Although, take that with a grain of salt, as I can only speak of my own anecdotal experience and I cannot help but wonder what could conceivably happen if someone wanted to do something nefarious when assigned with a fellow volunteer. Of course, I would hope such a terrible outcome will never happen but people should try to keep safe. But, in this instance, it was nothing but meeting amazing, proactive, and encouraging people. One man in particular, a senior citizen by the name of Joe, told me that he had nothing but respect for the young generation and that we should fight against apathy because we do create real changes. He and several others of his age group and those in their 50s, pretty much admitted that the youngest generation today is the smartest, hardest working, and that they have nothing but respect for our dedication because they’re fighting apathy too. Moreover, they feel their generation just wasn’t as prepared or as intelligent enough to properly handle the ongoing problems of terrorism, climate change, and so forth like the young generation are. So, according to them, we shouldn’t feel useless, or apathetic, or like we can’t change our futures because of complexity. I can honestly say that I firmly agree with those sentiments.
In general, it’s actually been a pretty good month for me. I got a good grade on a course I wanted to prove myself in, I volunteered and made professional contacts from people I genuinely like, and I’m realizing I need to begin planning out my future immediately and that I’ve been too malaise while overthinking difficulties. The first step toward change is stepping forward.
Sometimes, I really do wonder why I bother doing anything, I had contented myself about the idea that much, if not all, of my writings would be ignored by most people because they don’t read but it’s become clear that this is less true than I thought. What led me to this wrongful conclusion was the observance that most people in online forums and even within the comments section of news articles never bother to read the article itself. Most people just regurgitate their own nonsensical beliefs and commenters typically place doubt on the authenticity of real events or don’t want to go beyond blabbering their own opinion without becoming more informed. They don’t wish to learn, they wish to constantly go on articles they disagree with and repetitively go on rants about how wrong the journalist writing the article is.
I had thought this was because journalists were adept at re-categorizing facts to suit their agenda but the problem is on both ends. Some elements of the public just don’t care about authentic information, they want their own biased opinion to be the truth. I recall looking up various comments in the article about the recent lawsuit by the US department of Justice on the police department of Ferguson for constantly violating the constitutional rights of the people of Ferguson. I read various right-wing commenters arguing that what the police did isn’t wrong. I try to make an honest effort in believing that these are just the outliers but the Donald Trump campaign has made me seriously doubt all of this. Not simply because of Donald Trump’s rhetoric, but because the rest of the Republican candidates went along with the idea of “No Muslims allowed” before suddenly realizing Donald Trump was, in fact, serious about what he was saying and a week later the Republican elites backed away from what they had said by affirming that Donald Trump wasn’t representing their values. However, the damage was already done. Supposedly less divisive candidates like Chris Christie was the one saying that he wouldn’t even allow 5-year old children into the country for protection from war. The rest weren’t any better, arguing for religious tests to enter the country and bringing up ideas of celebrating the Abrahamic traditions of the country.
First of all, in what way was any negative statement about five-year old children suffering from war suppose to help the Republican side of the debate over immigration from the Middle East? In what conceivable way could such a statement be positive for the Republican party? He wasn’t admonished for this statement by his fellow Republicans, what does that tell you? Many of my Republican friends became frustrated by the racist rhetoric because it ignored what they felt were security concerns. How could the Republican elites have screwed it up so much by insisting five year olds shouldn’t be allowed into the country? Had they just focused their narrative on protection and security, then this wouldn’t have been an issue. That was all they needed to do. The majority of US citizens were supportive of keeping immigrants out, but then the discriminatory rhetoric began to be uttered and it wasn’t by Trump, it was by the Republican elites. Trump just ran with it for longer than they did and then was branded a racist.
Second, it’s become increasingly clear that we’ve overestimated the intelligence of the wealthy elite of the country. Indeed, not all of them are as intelligent as Bill and Melinda Gates or Warren Buffett or Angelina Jolie. While the Gates foundation is decreasing infant mortality across the world and giving reasons for South Africa to praise the US as a bastion of kind-hearted people, Warren Buffett is helping them with his donation and making it less likely for people to equate Wall Street as full of greedy people, and Angelina Jolie is campaigning for activism in the human rights of people across the world which helps give a positive image of the US. Democrats and Republicans continue insisting that more bomb droppings and war will make the scary terrorists disappear while spreading fear, paranoia, and hate for the US abroad throughout the Middle East.
Regardless, it’s become apparent to myself that I probably don’t have what it takes to deal with closet xenophobes or any sort of traction. I’d lose too much of my patience and I’d get ulcers as a result of headaches. Even more than the summer job I took as a cashier and meeting all sorts of idiots, I realize that what I take pleasure in, chiefly reading books on psychology and articles on politics, wouldn’t really interest others and most would view what I say as a conspiracy theory while spending approximately $11,000+ a year on lottery tickets and believing they’ll “win big” off of their investment – all the while being assured that nothing they do could ever help them save enough for retirement. Multiply this by meeting people throughout the country and I just don’t want to bother. More likely than not, I could conceivably become just like Sam Harris, believing himself right despite any contrary evidence and always re-contextualizing my detractors in negative terms. How would I, as I’d obviously be biased by that point, adequately assess whether their criticisms were valid or if I was simply too biased in my own views to accept their detracting remarks as legitimate?
Moreover, a deep problem I’ve observed in the US is that nobody, and I’m probably included in this too but in ways I don’t fully realize due to my own bias, values the truth. They want their worldview to be appreciated but they confuse their worldview – their subjective experience – as the objective truth even despite contrary evidence. Consider this biased sentence: Just how stupid can the right-wing media be to condemn the Justice department for suing the Ferguson police department for violations of constitutional rights when the Ferguson police was utilizing military weapons, gas, and military vehicles upon US civilians? Does the violations of constitutional rights mean so little to the right-wing media when it’s black citizens having rights infringed upon? Now, I’m pretty sure you can come up with your own legal or philosophical reasons for why I’m wrong to feel in this obviously biased manner. But, I’d probably be too staunch in my beliefs to really consider anything less than an apology to the US public arguing that what happened in Ferguson wasn’t a violation in constitutional rights. Why? Because if it’s permitted there, it can be permitted everywhere in the US.
Most people will never even consider that proposition because they only pay attention to their subjective, visceral experiences. And that’s the crux of the issue, isn’t it? How do you communicate effectively with people who only consider their own personal lives as relevant and ignore everything else? You can’t. It’s like talking to a wall. Moreover, they or people with agendas will take you out of context to fit their own biases. For example, the book I’m writing in my criticism of religion could easily be exploited with Christian extremists using my criticism of Islam to justify violent military actions and vice versa. It’ll become impossible to effectively communicate and you’re likely to be lambasted for something that you never said or was taken entirely out of context. On the flip side, people could be accurately criticizing you and you just take it the wrong way like Sam Harris. I wouldn’t really have time, and perhaps not even the willingness, to adequately address any criticisms respectively.
Another important component of all this, is that I really don’t want to bother offending anyone because it would – more likely than not – possibly get me fired some point in the future should I find a good career. Moreover, I just don’t like being rude to people. You hear stories about tortured artists or lambasted philosophers all the time, I’d prefer to never be associated with that. It’s better to conceal who you are and your true opinions. Besides which, what has simply highlighting human rights abuses like the Native Americans suffering or the inequality that Black Americans suffer from actually done? I can’t fix those issues, despite any deep desire on my part, as you need money, resources, and a lengthy amount of time. Native children suffer rape in this country everyday and the general public is completely apathetic, probably more willing to espouse some anonymous and fictitious defect because they’re not Christian than actually helping these people even while continuing to use their lands and ignore the rape crimes they suffer as a result of US laws and apathy. Even when the topic is about helping raped children.
In the end, what difference does it make when solutions can always regress?
Moreover, I have slowly grown to harbor the utmost loathing for the US national news media. They’re protectors of child rapists, war crimes, misogynistic rapists, gunmen, and they must truly gain intense satisfaction in mentally torturing the US public with their constant stream of negative news.
If you’ve read similar articles, then you’ve probably come across several Indian Americans pointing out their shame of being Indian around Middle School before accepting their Indian heritage later on in life in some form. My journey was a bit different; although, I’m pretty sure most other Indians grew-up with the same uncertainties and doubts that I had judging from the other personal stories regarding this specific topic.
Around age 14, I was beginning to question the existence of God due to my comparisons between Hinduism and Christianity.
By age 15, I began to seriously question my religious faith in Hinduism because of the ubiquitousness of Christian culture throughout the United States. In fact, it was at 15 that I became agnostic. I’m not sure whether or not most Christians realize how ubiquitous the Christian imagery and culture is, it seems to me that the implicit assumptions about Christianity and Jesus Christ in US celebrations and the US media that simply aren’t inclusive to non-Christians. Although, I don’t wish to be misunderstood here, the main motivator for my shift to agnosticism was because I would constantly think over what it would really mean if either Hinduism or Christianity were true but I never felt any appeal towards another faith. My choice was always between the Hindu deities being real or agnosticism as a result of feeling that other religious faiths were equally valid to Hinduism. If Hinduism were true, then the entire population, or close to the entire population, of the US was simply wrong about their religious faith and probably would be reincarnated after death. Yet, these millions upon millions sincerely believed that Jesus Christ was their Lord and Savior. Conversely, thanks to my parents having taken my siblings and I to repeated vacation trips to India as a child, I knew that a whopping percentage of millions of people believed in Hinduism. I had come to realize that if Christianity were true then almost the entirety of India, my entire family, and myself would be sent to hell for the crime of having a different opinion from Christians. I was well aware by this time that Hindus really did believe in Hinduism. On one occasion, among one of my trips to India with my father, I had spent nearly 8 hours sitting out in the cold to watch an exasperatingly lengthy wedding ceremony for a cousin of mine and my middle school mind simply couldn’t believe that anyone who would subject themselves to such religiously oriented festivities wasn’t a real believer of faith. There were key differences between India and the USA though, India was a third world country with pollution, disease-ridden areas, lack of education, and mocked by the rest of the world as backwards. The US is constantly known for being the greatest country in the world with the best of everything.
So did that mean Christianity was superior to Hinduism because of how different India and the US were? A terrible generalization and flawed line of reasoning, it was evident that scientific innovation and scientific progress and not Christianity were the reasons for these differences because of the education and innovations that US citizens took for granted. In fact, my interactions with Christians online during my high school years was quite enlightening regarding the immediate negatives that I saw in the Christian worldview. I had honestly believed that Christians who espoused the arguments of “original sin” were simply trolls online that were insulting the Christian faith with a deep level of bigotry and hate for all Christians. I ended-up getting moderated on a religious forum for trying to defend Christians from what I believed were bigoted views from people making fun of them. It wasn’t until a little later at age 15 that I found out that Christians seriously believed in original sin and that it wasn’t just a bunch of trolls mocking innocent Christians. To be perfectly frank, and I apologize if this offends anyone, when I first heard of the concept of original sin I had immediately concluded that anyone who believed in such a concept was deeply insane and needed serious mental help for having such an unhealthy and evil belief. I would like to stress that I am not saying this because of any antagonistic feelings towards Christians, I am sharing this because it is what I honestly thought upon my first real contact with understanding Christian theology. I had honestly believed that those self-described Christians were trolls who were mocking real Christians by implying they were all mentally disturbed. I had been briefly hopeful that this aspect of Christianity was simply an antiquated form of it, similar to Hinduism’s caste system, but learning more from living in a predominately Christian culture and conversing with Christian classmates from high school made me realize how shallow such a belief was on my part as I was growing up.
Despite that, Christianity was a comparison and I realized later on during age 15 that I was still being shallow. Even before comparisons to Christianity, which I had simply used as reference because Christian culture was more ubiquitous than either Judaism or Islam to compare Hinduism with, I began to realize that there was no real way for all four religious faiths of Islam, Judaism, Christianity, and Hinduism to be correct. Moreover, I really didn’t like the idea of hell – regardless of if it meant the absence of God in what seemed like eternal emptiness or eternal hellfire – and I was deeply confused about why Christians in the US couldn’t see the clear contradictions with believing that Jesus had to be their Lord and Savior versus living in a Republic that expressed freedom of thought. Now, those two beliefs aren’t mutually exclusive, but back then I was confused by why Christians didn’t seem to see any contradiction with believing that people who don’t accept Jesus would be going to hell for the crime of freedom of choice versus believing people should have freedom of choice to believe in what they want. I’ve since concluded that it was my naivety in not understanding the complex intricacies of religion and democracy when I was in high school.
Evidently, critical thinking won out completely because by the time I was 17, I came to accept atheism completely. Although, I suppose a critical influence during this period was Atheist videos of the New Atheist movement and their arguments against the existence of God. From my personal life, the Principal and Superintendent both speaking parables from the Christian Bible in celebration of the high school graduation ceremony was an event that fully convinced me of becoming an atheist because of how utterly meaningless and empty I felt those parables were. They were just a bunch of words spoken in English that sounded as if they were coming from some foreign world of make-believe. I didn’t identify with them and it just looked to me like the ramblings of two men who had temporarily gone insane during the graduation ceremony. The majority of the people, mostly Christians themselves, were visibly uncomfortable with what the Superintendent and Principal had decided to do because they did seem to recognize that it was a form of exclusion towards non-Christians. After all, if they’re allowed to use such parables then why shouldn’t Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and other religious faiths be able to speak their religious parables?
After that, I pretty much accepted the fact that the “Indian” identity seemed objectively meaningless for myself. After all, I didn’t speak the language well, I didn’t know how to read or write in any of the Indian languages, the culture itself seemed to be trying to Americanize anyway since every Indian I had met, admittedly very few and this too was flawed reasoning, seemed to shower America with praises.
The rest of the story I’ll share at a later time. I don’t want this to be a total infodump, I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading thus far.